Well NFL fans.....welcome to my weekly NFL picks. I am 10.5 (ten-point-five) which of course is what I was nicknamed by my friends. I would like to start by saluting all of you reading this blog with a beer and a piece of pizza. The fact that you are here is a true indication of your devotion to the NFL and you deserve a beer and a piece of pizza too. Go ahead and grab it from the fridge....I'll wait for you. Ok, please accept my virtual high-five for your coolness! Each week, I will give you my game by game assessment of what I think with some "colorful" commentary on the teams and key players involved. I won't be commenting on weekly game spreads, but would be happy to give you my thoughts on games if you have specific questions. Last, I will track my performance from week to week, just so all of you can get a true sense of whether I am full of shit or not...haha. Obviously, these picks are only my opinions and should not be relied upon if you are borrowing money from the mob to make any bets. Take everything in stride, have fun, and I welcome your comments. Good luck to all of you who are laying down money on any games...'responsibly'!
Note: Sports Select is Western Canada's legalized betting mechanism, so you know what I am talking about at the end of each pick. The picks are for my awesome friends in Canada. A tie game denotes that the game is within 3 points (regardless of the winner). A win by a team has to be by 4 points or more.
Redskins at Giants:
You have my sincere apologies for not getting my pick out for this game before it actually happened....due to my lack of foresight earlier in the week that I was even going to create this terrifical prediction blog. If that isn't good enough for you, go turn on a baseball game while you pet your cat...on your floral designed couch...while reading your romance novel. You aren't worthy to be here..haha Beyond that, I knew the Giants would win that game, but for the record, I hate Eli Manning. I have ever since he chose to not play for San Diego when he was drafted. He's a snivelling little puke who doesn't respect the nature of the game. Just so we are clear, the Giants didn't win the Super Bowl last year....the Patriots LOST it. However, to be fair to all you Giants fans, I like everybody else on your team....especially since you got rid of Supreme Knob #1 Jeremy Shockey! The Redskins are in a lot of trouble in the first half with a new coach and a new system, however they will start winning some credible games by mid-season. The Giants on the other hand will be strong, but watch for Eli the TERRIBLE to start stinking up games by mid-season.
SHEhawks at Bills:
The filthy SHEhawks continue to get worse with every new year. They no longer have a running game, their receivers are declining and their defense is questionable. While Buffalo isn't a contender by any means, it is still a tough place to play and their team is on the upswing. As well, their fans all escaped from local mental institutions and frankly scare other teams by trying to snowball them to death. Good thing this isn't December Holmgren...you fat Walrus. Sports Select: Tie Game...Buffalo wins
Bucs at Saints:
Tough game to call. I really like Jeff Garcia as QB, and the TB defense. I also like Chucky on the TB sidelines. Only problem is that they are in New Orleans facing one of the best offenses in the league. Hey Saints, you may want to come ready to play this year and not ruin all our bets like you did last September!! I hate the fact that Jeremy Shockey went to the Saints (who I kinda like) as he is a supreme knob and if this game was in TB, I'd call it differently. I am giving the Siants one last chance this year to prove that they are worthy. If they blow it, I will be spitting venom at them in a few weeks. Sports Select: Saints win
Jets at Dolphins:
Brett.....silly Brett. You should have retired years ago you punch-drunk bozo. Instead, you silence people like me (I have been dissing him for about 4 years) for one last lucky glory year in 2007 and hang the shoes up. Classy move dude. BUT WAIT!! You just couldn't go out in style. Instead, you disrupt your franchise's training camp and force them to trade you to another team and lose all credible cheesehead support you ever had in Green Bay. Have fun getting saughtered behind a brutal offensive line and throwing to receivers that catch like Edward ScissorHands. On the other side, Miami has brought in a healthy Chad Pennington, Bill Parcels, numerous other off-season upgrades and they have a running game again. Will they win a lot this year....FUGGETABOUTID!!!.....but I think they have something to prove after last year and emotion will carry them through in week 1. Sports Select: Tie Game...Fish win
Texans at Steelers:
Houston has a legitimate team with one of the best receivers in the game. Andre Johnson is the real deal. Houston will contend for a wild card spot this year. Does that mean they will get in? Probably not. As well, I don't like QBs with names Schaub....which sounds too much like 'swab'.....the thing you clean your ears with.This is one game where they are going to get ripped to shreds at Heinz Field because they can't stop the run and the Steelers have two great RBs in Parker and Mendenhall. The Steelers are my favorite team (and have been for 18 years)because they play tough smashmouth football. However, you have my assurances that they will feel my wrath if deserved throughout this season. Hey Ben no more falling off your bike....last year was better than 2006. Sports Select: Steelers win
Jaguars at Titans:
Another interesting game. The Jags were a dominant team last year, especially down the stretch. The Titans are exciting and a lot depends on Vince Young. Similar to Michael Vick (who was cast down with the Sodomites because he liked watching pootches fight), Young has a lot of athletic ability. However, the rest of the team still needs a couple more years before they are great. Sports Select: Jags win
Detroit at Atlanta:
The inmates that are having their way with Michael Vick (who I used to like!) are probably being financed by a collection jar that has been passed around Falcons stadium numerous times last year. I know that if I lived there, I'd toss my spare change into that jar. CLINK CLINK.....another 5 minutes of agony for Mikey. Wait...if I dig deep...where are those last nickels? Here they are! CLINK CLINK again. The Falcons are shattered. They used to have a potent offense and one of the league's best running games. Now they have NOTHING!! Detroit on the other hand is starting to improve. Will they ever make the playoffs? Not in our lifetime...but they will be middle of the road. Sports Select: Detroit wins
Chiefs at Pats:
The Pats' covert video guy from across the field can take the day off for this debacle. For the record, "everybody" hates cheaters so I hope they never win another Super Bowl. They should be ashamed of themselves and I feel bad for their fans who didn't deserve that publicity surrounding their team last year. Sports Select: New England wins
Bengals at Ravens:
The Bengals are up there with having some of the worst chumps in the league. Chad Johnson is the new Terrell Owens without as much talent. I thought it was great when Cincy coach Marv Lewis told the media that Chad should sit out all year like he promised to do if he didn't get traded. That pretty much showed Ocho Cinquo how much shit anyone was going to take of his. I really liked Cincy for a couple years, but they are on the down swing again. With the Ravens, they used to have the most feared team in the league.....a bunch of maniacs that had gotten off multiple violent crime charges. Now, they are old and slow...Ray Lewis is kinda like Morgan Freeman in the Shawshank Redemption (Well maybe not quite that bad). As well, they have a new quarterback and a new system which usually doesn't go very well in Week 1 of regular season. Bengals still have enough offense to take this. Sports Select: Bengals win
Rams at Philly:
St. Louis was a really bad team last year. However, there is always the offseason to improve. So what do the Rams do?
Cards at 49ers:
Well, Alex Smith could be the let down of the decade. First overall pick, numerous seasons to shine with a solid running back behind him, and now he is on the sidelines. If they play the Bills this year, I may travel to Buffalo to throw a snowball at him. Frank Gore has a lot potential and hopefully he can find his game back this year after looking ordinary in 2007. The Cardinals are like Detroit....destined to never make the playoffs. Funny that Kurt Warner is at the helm once again....another Chunky Soup endorser. What about Nike, Under Armour, Gatorade? Nope....my agent landed me Chunky Soup. At least the Steelers were smart enough to take that $$$ as a team. Sports Select: Cardinals win
Panthers at Chargers:
Carolina will be a much better team than last year with Delhomme healthy again. However, this week, the team suspended their star receiver Steve Smith. San Diego starts seasons slow and lazy and I am still not a fan of Norv Turner. Why you ask? Well....there is his haircut...but also because he has never done anything signifcant in the NFL! If Steve Smith was playing, I might call this differently. Sports Select: Chargers win
Cowboys at Browns:
This is one of the more intriguing games of the week. How do you feel about holding out on your entry contract NOW Brady Quinn...YOU MORON!!! The Browns should be a solid team given their stretch play last year, but let's not be silly. Their QB Anderson is coming off a concussion. They were the worst team in the pre-season. Their name is still THE BROWNS (What....do they do moonlight work for UPS?) and they play in THE DAWGPOUND. The latter is enough to make them completely laughable once again and I am calling it right now....they will miss the playoffs again this year. Sports Select: Cowboys destroy them!
Bears at Colts:
The Bears have no offense, no running game and an aging defense. However, Peyton Manning has missed all the pre-season games and is pretty gimped up. Who cares! He could beat DA BEARS playing from a wheelchair. Sports Select: Colts win
Vikings at Green Bay:
This is definitely one of the games of the week. The Vikings could be in the best 3 defenses in the league this year. They now have a pass rush. As well, they have one of the best new running backs in the game with Adrian Peterson. The QB is a bit of flake, but that's what happens when your momma names you Tavaris. Vikings are now officially my second favorite team in the league after winning me $340 on one fine October Sunday at the expense of the Chargers. Green Bay has a ton of weapons on both sides of the ball, but they will also have a new QB with all the lights on him trying to replace Favre. Pretty nerve-racking for week 1. The Packers will do well this year, but they buckle under the pressure in this one against their toughest rival. Sports Select: Vikings upset and win
Broncos at Oakland:
Oakland has a lot of good young players that will probably be stars in the league in 5 years....buts that's in 5 years. Right now, they are inexperienced and erratic. They'll win some interesting games, but I think that the Broncos slip through with the coaching of Mike Shanahan, and Jay Cutler who is a pretty decent QB. Sports Select: Tie game Broncos win
